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My Journey as a Survivor of Childhood Rape and Above Knee Amputee.
Author Kathy Holmes
My: From Tragedy To Triumph, " I loss My Legs To Recover My Life."
Hello, my name is Kathy Holmes, and this is my story. My father abandoned me from the womb, so I grew up with rejection and abandonment issues. At the age of 5 years old, my mother, 3 brothers, forced me to perform oral sex on them at different times night and day when no one was around. It lasted for years, no one was watching out for me it was like a well-kept family secret, I remember at the age of 7 years old my uncle visited our home and told me to go in the bathroom and perform oral sex on him while my mother was in the kitchen cooking. I guess she trusted her brother, but I’m not going to make an excuse for her because she was not watching. I use to try and commit suicide every night at a young age but would wake up every morning angry with God because I felt he had forsaken me. After the abuse was over with my uncles at the age of 13 years old. I shared my story of what happened to me with the youth pastor and his wife because they were my godparents, but after that, the youth pastor began raping me along with his brother. I guess I was considered damaged goods. And when the youth pastor's wife caught him, she told me that I had a lust demon. So, on that Sunday morning, they told the pastor of the church. And put me in the middle of the church while preachers cast a lust demon out of a child who was being raped. The youth pastor and his brother watch. I, the victim, was being blamed for adult men raping me. My question was, where is God? I grew up shame, thinking it was my fault. I grew up looking for love in all the wrong men. I grew confusing sex for love, thinking if I had sex with him early, he would love me. Sexual Abuse Mentally cripples you for the rest of your life. And if rape wasn’t bad enough for me, I lost both of my legs to a reckless driver in 2007. I’ve been through a lot of tragedy, and I’m still coping with it now. I use to disassociate myself from the rape because I didn’t want to feel the pain, guilt, and shame that it made me think. It’s a journey you go through for the rest of your life. It’s hard for me to trust people, and I normally push people away when they get to close. I just wanted to share my story. I don’t consider myself a victim anymore because I gave my abusers back their secrets. I learned what happened to me was abnormal, and the way I’m responding now is normal. So sometimes, I cry, get angry, got depressed, shut down, but after all of that, I pull myself together because I refuse to allow my rapist to control me and now rape me mentally.
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